I've Broken Her Heart, Now I Regret Losing Her

I've Broken Her Heart, Now I Regret Losing Her

Dating someone you love is such a beautiful thing in the universe. I must however confess that I was blind to see the beauty in love because of being ungrateful. Gratitude wasn’t in my dictionary of the business of life. The girl I dated was amazing. She was class! She was so beautiful. Her skin was of coconut butter, her smile was so gorgeous and her hair was an original Afro. I used to complement her very much on her hair by the way, I'd say "Baby you are so beautiful" as I was tapping it. I would actually even battle her when she did a certain hairstyle because I loved her raw, beautiful and original Afro. She was an African Queen with that hair, especially when she was wearing a certain blue dress, I would be so jealous of her magnificence.

That woman deeply loved me with everything she had. She was willing to do just about anything for me, even when I didn’t ask. She was a phenomenal hard worker who believed in me so much. In holistic terms, she was a full woman that required me to kneel down, send a letter requesting a meeting with her loving family and then send my uncles to Eastern Cape in a small town called Bizana where she was born to marry. I almost forgot to tell you about her intelligence! My God! Whenever I wanted ideas or advises on stuff that I write, she was the best because whatever she spoke of made sense. You could classify her as Maya Angelou if you understand what I mean with regards to her cluster. We did almost everything together, she was my bestie! We used to laugh hard even when we were broke together because we always had one another. And because she was a great cook, in some days when we didn’t have anything to eat, she would cook a mix of whatever we were left with just to make a meal. Her and my Mom were also besties!

The saying that you don't know what you have until it’s gone maybe true but I don’t really know hey. I couldn’t reciprocate the kind of love she was offering, I wasn’t mature enough and I was too selfish. Finding "the one" at a young age, has a way of tarnishing up even the most normal guy. I came to point where I took advantage of her big love for me; I knew she loved me to a point where she would forgive me in everything that I do. Maybe I was too young to realize how rare she was and it wasn’t until I met other girls I cheated with who left me with a void; I somehow began to put it together... I messed up!! Even at their best, others who loved me couldn’t compare to the depth that she did. Whenever I cheated on her, she would constantly ask why am I running away from her and she would really notice that I’m up to something as I was being distant. She would badly cry after catching me and in some days she cried so bad that it hurt me so hard. I’ve shattered her heart and stamped it with stones. Perhaps I knew exactly what I had and I just never thought I'd lose it.

Women seem to have a good way of spotting real friends for us but we hardly see it as guys because we tend to feel like they want to control us, she used to fight hard about some of my friends, she only approved few of my close friends whom I grew up with. She would tell me about not liking so and so because of 123 and I would disagree with her and think she is probably jealous. Well, the people she actually complained about are the ones who actually made me to sink in the bush that is full of dark mud. Whether we like or not, we somehow get influence from our so called "friends". Hanging around with guys who don't know anything about love threw me to a certain devilish world. And because they don't know the beauty of being happy and being loved, to them life was about one night stands and I fell for that trap too when I had the most precious every day night stand waiting for me. These one night stands elevated and got me buying prostitutes with friends who don't know what love is, I completely forgot that I had a home as I fell for these dirty things. I became arrogant, I changed and I fought a lot with her, it was a constant battle.

She forgave me after all those things and I got carried away again until I lost her. When I rose up, I realised that I'm losing her and it was too late. Today I regret every single day without her. It is dark for me and it is only now that I'm noticing the darkness as the shining diamond is no longer in my possession. I tried to date other people hoping it will be better but I was simply lying to myself because my heart was actually with her. I tried to get her back; I sent her messages, I called her, I asked her sister to speak with her on my behalf, I got my close friend to talk to her but it was all too late. She had blocked me on all communications platforms, it was traumatic!  

Do I blame her? No! I am taking full responsibility for my actions. It is only now I'm waking up and the train is long gone. There are many guys out there who don’t value what they have like I did and it isn’t pleasant at all when tables turn. Too many times we don't realise what we have because we are out there looking for something better. The problem is that when we do realise it, we will come crawling back. Everyone somehow falls into the trap that the grass is always greener on the other side. People make mistakes, it’s part of human nature but with that said, most of us need to man up and stop playing hide and seek. Time to play has passed now and we are ought to be real and stop living lies. Even the current economical state doesn’t allow impressing these so called side-chicks; it’s the money we should be utilising to build upon the future. Ping pong is a waste of time. Let’s stop chasing these materialistic things and focus on our loved ones. I did them all and actually found no happiness. It is not too late to start living the truth, the time is now to commence.

Today all guys, man to man, player to player, thug to thug, never play with your woman or take her for granted. Appreciate what you have before it becomes what you had. Take special care of her, value her, love her, take her out, tell her she's beautiful, acknowledge her, and treat her like the most precious thing you've never had. Some of our friends are unhappy in their relationships and are thus misleading us into disconnecting with our shining diamonds because theirs aren't shining at all. When you do wrong, please apologise and don't get carried away by some sort of arrogance that made me collapse in love. Women are the most special breeds and we need to protect them instead of making them feel helpless in the name of love. Let's not give them emotional stress in the name of love, let's not give them stroke in the name of love and let’s not make their hearts bitter by breaking them because love is meant to make all of us joyful.  

My guy, we all get tempted in some stages by these yellow bones and curvy girls who get about 400 likes in 20 minutes. We must however remember that charms are actually deceiving. Happiness doesn't come as a result of getting what you don't have; it is recognizing and appreciating what you do have. If she has once made you happy, there is a great chance she still will and forever will. Think about it, maybe you are bored with your familiar routine, but that doesn't mean you should get rid of her. Don't lose something you have for something you think you want. What you have now was once everything you strove to attain. Just because something becomes repetitive does not mean it needs to be replaced. Think of how lucky you are to have someone you can be completely comfortable around, that is a true gift and one that should be cherished at all times.

What you see is not always what you get but what you get is what you actually see. Re-strengthen your mental state to avoid temptations at all cost. All I’m urging you to do is to appreciate what you have so that it can never go away. If your heart is not with her, please release her then instead of hurting her. And when you love her, don’t do my errors because you will suffer like me my guy. In your business of life, always grab every chance given and do not throw it away; always cherish what you already have, for you never know when you will receive something of its likeness again; and if you lose what was most precious to you, never stop fighting for it until you have it once again in your possession. I may be talking to guys with regards to my experience, but the system applies even for women too.

My name is Teboho Thuswa, I’m a motivated speaker and my upcoming book will be titled Nobody Is Bigger than Your Business of Life. You will hear more of my business of life stories that I believe will change your life. I’m all honest and I tell it like is because it’s only honesty that can liberate us all. If you liked this piece of truth, please don’t hesitate to share it.