Open Letter to a Hurt Girl

Dear my love

I won't introduce myself because you know who I am and also because I’m ashamed of myself that I have teared such a beautiful woman like you's heart apart. I will however address you as my love because you are close to my mind, heart and soul. I am writing this letter to you to let you know that I understand why you have changed; I understand it’s because love hurts badly when it changes us.

My love, I know the pain, frustrations, embarrassments, shames, regrets, discontents, and disappointments I have caused to your soul have left a very enormous wound to your beautiful heart. In some days I sat down, viewed and analysed everything that I have done to you and realised that I was more than badly wrong. I seriously at some point thought that you were crazy as you were fighting but now I see that I was all wrong and I was actually the one who was foolish. When I saw your eyes filled with betrayal, disillusionment, and revulsion, I just wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide. But now that I understand the gravity of what I've done, my actions have filled me with self-loathing and remorse. It's difficult for me to look in the mirror today because I'm not proud of the man I see there when I do.

There is a Spanish proverb that says “Where there is love, there is pain”. Babe, time has moved but the pain is still there I know and it sometimes drives you mad and evokes hate as you recall the moments and events of the nasty realities of what I have put you through. I have been totally wrong and immoral in many occasions because I thought I knew better and I was the in thing, pride drove all this horrible circumstances and blinded me to see the value my woman has, the good-humoured value you have. I think I was at the time perhaps not really prepared for the outcomes of the raw relationship but now I have learnt and seen much and ready to stand up with my balls and come to the real party of life. I even got rid of those friends who don’t understand the value of my relationship because they somehow had a bad influence that led me to these bad things and you’ve been warning me about them.

Joan Lunden nicely says “Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.” Your heart muscles are now fearful because I personally failed to see and acknowledge the massive love you had for me, I instead allowed the world charms that usually fade away to deceive me, I believe some parts of me weren't really matured enough about the strength of life, I feel ashamed for what I had done. I don’t have any excuses for I did what I did except admitting my wrongs. You once alleged that we don’t grow by the number of years but by challenges we go through because they sharpen our abilities. Today I am a better man in my soul because I can fully confess my blunders and take full responsibilities give permission for being crucified for my sins.

The great T.D Jakes beautifully says “One cannot have an enriched relationship when it is funded by an emotionally and spiritually bankrupt man”. I have been that man! I have been that weak guy! And I am still fixing my story with God as no woman wants to be in submission to a man who isn't in submission to God. I am not perfect and will never be but I now always strive for perfectionism so that I don't get tempted by the midst of the earth. I realised that the cost of love is like working a full time job, one needs  to put work and effort into it, and that's why it fails with a lot of people like me because they are on the job part time. I am on my knees and asking you to please forgive me from the bottom of your heart for everything that I have done to you. I don't know how is it possible after all the blunders that you are still around and loving me, I don't know how you are coping sometimes but because of the faith and love you have for us I now know that I am about to marry a woman of steel and who doesn't break. I don't think it would benefit either one of us to give up on this relationship yet because we've both invested so much of ourselves into it already and our good times have far outnumbered the bad. What few problems we've had in the past have been minor and we've been able to work through them with very little trouble.

The great love professor William Shakespeare once said “The courses of true love never did run smooth”. The journey has been tough and it how we become better people and grow in life. Thank you so much for loving me and please forgive me once again for all the bad things I have done. I don't want to mention them by names because they will awaken the wounds up again but my love please forgive me. I want our relationship to work again and I know it will because you are a strong woman who has a giant within her, a strong woman who is fearless and bold and a strong woman who believes in love. You have been tempered by a lot of challenges in your life and some are still taking place I know, all I'm going to say is that God is not sleeping and he is watching, he is going to strengthen all your things and please keep on trusting because the devil is a liar and doesn't have power.

Every night, I laid awake with your memories flooding through my eyes with the hope to be with you when sleep arrived because you are just a phenomenal blessing my love. The last thing I wouldn't like to wish for is for you to recall me in this relationship like how the opposition parties wants to recall the President of our country, please use your majority votes of love and not allow your heart to impeach me because the opposition which is hate in this case. I am going to make everything up to you. Stuff is very slow for me but I know God is putting me on a test of life so that I can grow more to be the better person in all my spheres of life. I dearly also thank him for having made such a beautiful creature like you because today I know what loyalty and devotion is through her.

Yours lovingly

Teboho Thuswa